Stephen Colbert Celebrates Trump’s Final Debate

“In the lead-up to the debate, the president’s advisers pleaded with him to be softer. Soft he can do. I’ve seen the man in tennis shorts.” — STEPHEN COLBERT

“That’s right, tonight we saw an all new Trump. Instead of shouting baseless accusations, he whispered them.” — JIMMY FALLON

“The debate tonight was not the ‘WrestleMania’ event most people were expecting. I think maybe somebody swapped Trump’s Adderall out for Tylenol.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“Donald Trump, by the way, is the only president who gets marks for good behavior. He’s like when you bring a 2-year-old on a plane.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“For the most part, things were pretty civil compared to the first debate, which was basically a U.F.C. fight on meth.” — JIMMY FALLON

“If the first debate was sponsored by Red Bull, this one was sponsored by NyQuil.” — JIMMY FALLON

“Tonight’s debate had six topics: fighting Covid-19, national security, American families, race in America, climate change and whether Rudy Giuliani was actually tucking in his shirt.” — JIMMY FALLON

“And Americans have a tough choice to make now: Do they vote for Joe Biden on Nov. 3? Or do they vote for him early, because the ultimate mute button is in your hands.” — STEPHEN COLBERT

“On Tuesday, Trump got angry and cut his interview with Lesley Stahl short. Today, he released the full interview himself — ‘the dictator’s cut,’ if you will.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“With less than two weeks until the election, as the pandemic rages out of control and millions of Americans suffer the pain of loss and economic hardship, the president of the United States has apparently decided to make his closing message ‘The TV lady was very mean to me.’” — SETH MEYERS

“He’s the most powerful man in the world and he spends his time making bootleg episodes of ’60 Minutes.’” — JIMMY FALLON